There are some shitty people in the world and some of them just happened to be mothers.
Acknowledging that doesn’t make you a bad person.
Feeling angry about it doesn’t mean you’re not evolved.
Feeling sad about it doesn’t mean you’re pathetic.
Understanding why your mother is the way she is, can be helpful (but isn’t always necessary).
Learning how your brilliant child’s mind coped with a shitty mother situation is helpful.
The thought “she did the best she could” can be both helpful and annoying.
Knowing you can’t change her can be both helpful and frustrating.
Knowing that you can change what you made having her as your mother mean about you is everything. Read that sentence again slowly and out loud because it’s a mouthful.
Here it is again:
Knowing that you can change…
what you made having her as your mother…
mean about you
I get it.
We were taught that relationships are co-dependent and transactional and that the way to be safe and okay is to control, manage, and manipulate other people’s perceptions and behaviors. To people-please. To shrink and hide. Or to be tough and sassy.
We were taught that our mothers needed us to see them the way they want to be seen…
…and we quickly learned that we needed her to see us the way we want to be seen.
Let yourself off the hook for this.
Give your mother permission to be wrong about you.
Put yourself in charge of seeing yourself the way you want, so you can feel good about who you are without her.
Live from a place of self-approval.
Be yourself and let her be herself.
How would you show up then? Knowing your emotional wellbeing is no longer tied to her approval, her perception, her behavior?
Much, much love,
P.S. I work with women who want to set healthy, mature boundaries with their mothers, who’s top three emotions (when they’re thinking about their mothers) are guilt, anxiety, and anger. Women who don’t want to feel chronically guilty, anxious, and angry for the rest of their lives. Who don’t want to feel that they’re at the mercy of their mothers’ whims.
Because that sucks. Frankly.
And the cost is immeasurable. What I do helps you be the human you want to be but have built up so many defenses you have no idea of who you are any more.
What matters is that you want to tell yourself a different story about WHO YOU ARE as a result of having had a difficult relationship with your mother. You’ve probably had a lot of therapy and you probably believe it’s too late for you to have that fully expressed life you yearn for. Because you’ve learned that being fully expressed and creative just opens you up for criticism. Because that’s what happens when you tell your mother anything about what’s happening in your life.
Whether you’re wanting to establish and maintain a few healthy boundaries with your mother or you’re needing some deep support around your creative endeavors, you’re craving some compassionate accountability…and that’s my superpower.
It’s safe to say yes to this change. It’s safe to say yes to this process. You can do it. I can help you. Are you ready? I am. Click here to set up a consultation.