Less drama. more self-respect

You know the impact of having a difficult relationship with your mother. 

You are grown up in so many areas of your life, but when it comes to her,
she is the Kryptonite to your Superwoman.

You go through your day-to-day with your head mostly up and get it done,
but you often feel anxious, angry, guilty, and regretful.

LESS THAN.

Here’s the good news: your relationship with her can be a catalyst for your growth.

Maybe you’ve gone to therapy and learned that she’s a narcissist, or has borderline personality disorder.

Maybe she has substance-abuse issues. Maybe the situation has alienated you from your siblings.

Maybe she’s old and dying and you don’t know how to deal with it.

Whatever it is you’ve learned in therapy, while a relief to have an explanation for
her behavior and your reactions
, you still feel doomed.

Destined to live a life smaller than what you dreamed for yourself.

Your relationship with your mother continues to make it’s mark:

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You know the psychological impact she had on you… and yet, you STILL find yourself wanting her approval. And think, “What’s wrong with me?”
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You find yourself settling for less than what you deserve in relationships, because, you think to yourself, “Given what my mother has done to me, do I even know how to receive good love?”

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Your anger flares up when you’re talking to YOUR daughter and you think, “Oh my god, am I turning into her?”

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Your friendships with other women don’t feel authentic and true.

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You’re afraid to put yourself out there, always holding yourself back from the things you know you want.

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You aren’t as creative and as engaged as you’d like.

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You play small. You people-please. 

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You worry that “they don’t like you.” 

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You compare yourself to others.

 Maybe you read Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters
and got a taste of what’s possible.
But you want more. You’ve been wishing for real-life support from ME
and a smart, supportive community so you can actually… 
make it real.
Now you can.


Welcome to Make It Real:
an online coaching community

Make It Real teaches you how to liberate yourself from your troubled mother-daughter relationship
(even if she’s no longer alive)
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What does that look like in real life?

In ordinary language?

It looks like…
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not feeling guilty if you choose not to call her

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calling her and not dreading every second of it

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calling her and not needing to vent to your partner and friends and anyone else afterwards

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no longer caring about or fearing what she thinks about your choices

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no longer needing validation from her and others

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not caring if she thinks you are too this, too that or too something else

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having amazing boundaries

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making peace with going “no contact”

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reinitiating contact with confidence

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taking back your power

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making decisions without a lot of drama

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establishing and maintinaing healthy boundaries

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saying “yes” and “no” with little hesitation

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standing on your story 

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respecting yourself and your choices

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having your own back in the face of emotions like shame, guilt, and regret

One of the women in the Make It Real community was struggling with whether or not to call her mother.
On the one hand, she “didn’t want to deal with whatever she’s going to say” and on the other hand, she “didn’t want to feel guilt.”
You could say she believed herself unable to do either.

She had put herself into a powerless position.

After some coaching, she decided to call her mother and even though her mother acted exactly as she expected her to, she was glad she had done it. Not because it “made her mother happy” (it didn’t).

It wasn’t that she called, but that on the other side of having called, she liked and respected herself and her reasons for calling.It wasn’t about pleasing her mother, it was about showing herself that she is able. Capable. 

That she made a choice. And that she’s okay.

Another time she may decide not to call and then sit with whatever feelings come up.
And in that moment, she will also be powerful and able.

Because really that’s what you want, yes? To no longer feel that you’re at the mercy of your mother.

To be an adult daughter (with the emphasis on “adult”).

Women who are powerful and able in regards to their relationships
with their mothers are so much more powerful and able in the rest of their lives:
as partners, as creators, as mothers, as entrepreneurs, as makers, as humans.

When you can say “no” to your mother, you can say “no” to the
woman in the PTA who wants you to bake cookies for the bake sale.

When you get out of the manipulation cycle with your mother,
you get out of it with your partner and children.

When you can set boundaries with your mother, you can set boundaries with ANYONE.

And the world needs more women who know they are able.

Make It Real is the community of women you didn’t know you needed.

How do I Know?

 Because I am that adult daughter who, 10 years ago, needed this community and it didn’t exist. What existed were so-called “support” groups that kept me stuck in my sad and angry story about my mother. Sure it felt great to share all the ways she done me wrong, but it didn’t support me in being my best self. Far from it.

After years of therapy, lots of “alternative healing modalities,” and lots of just wanting to fix myself already, I discovered a way of approaching the issue that really worked.

The concepts, tools, and practices I learned helped me shift, relatively quickly, what seemed like a life-time of shame and hurt.

Having done the work, I knew I couldn’t keep it to myself, and I wrote a book that went on to sell over 130,000 copies. It was called The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother. And while that book is no longer available, Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration is everything The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide was, and more.

Not a day goes by that I don’t receive a message from a woman somewhere in the world wrestling with the pain of feeling unloved, unwanted, or rejected by her mother or who feels guilty, ashamed, anxious, and alone because she doesn’t want to talk to her mother.

I realized that these women – that YOU – deserve more from me than a book. You deserve more than support groups that will keep you feeling stuck in your life.

So I created the group I needed 10 years ago.

Make It Real is an online coaching community where you can
take back your power in the true sense of the word and connect with other adult daughters who are doing the same.

Make It Real is always open.
You can show up any time from anywhere. It’s safe.
It’s not a program or class, but a place where you can gather with other women with similar challenges and learn and apply the tools I share in my books with my guidance, at your own pace.
It’s a place to get advice and TRUE support in
navigating your difficult mother-daughter relationship.

 

Joining Make It Real gives you a framework
and consistency for managing your mind,
not just around your mother, but around your whole life.

 I am not kidding when I say that when women heal their relationships with their mothers (whether they stay in contact or not), they’re able to fully step into their lives and make a difference in the world..


Intentionally.

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They go for that promotion or ask for that raise.
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They not only write the book or take that art class they’ve been talking about for years, they publish the book and hang their art. 
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They model for their daughter the healthy behaviors they wished their mothers had modeled for them.

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Their own daughters say, “Mom, you’ve changed!”
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They are more fully expressed, more fully alive, more resilient.

Here’s how it works:

Make It Real Awareness Model

You will learn a powerful self-coaching tool that will help you feel better about yourself so you can show up in the world as the grown-ass woman you are.

Live Coaching

Each month there are two LIVE coaching calls. Whether you receive coaching or watch other women receiving coaching, this is a powerful learning opportunity.

Facebook Community

Access to a Facebook community with like-minded women who are working towards the same growth and transformation.

Expert Guidance

In addition to the monthly coaching calls, I provide coaching in the Facebook group which is every bit as effective as doing it live on a call.

Writing Prompts & PracticeS

I am always creating new writing prompts and practices that will help you Make It Real. Sometimes I hop on Live in the Facebook group to take questions.

Other surprises

If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.

ALL OF THIS?

It’s just $500.
Not $500 per year, $500 for the rest of your life.

FAQ’s

Does my mother have to be alive in order for me to get something out this?

No! Make It Real isn’t so much about the two of you as it is about you making some choices about how you want to show up in the world. This is about your future, and not just in relation to your mother (whether she’s alive or not).

Do I have to be in contact with my mother to heal my relationship with her? I don’t want to have to talk to/see/interact with my mother. Are you going to suggest that I should?

Absolutely not. For some women, choosing not to have their mothers in their lives is the very best choice. What I want for you is to have made choices from a loving, proactive, powerful place, not from a reactive, defensive place.

My mother was abusive and violent when I was a child. Am I supposed to forgive and forget?

Make It Real isn’t about putting up with or approving of any type of abuse, whether it happened long ago or is happening now. It’s about learning how to tell the story about what happened in such a way that it doesn’t hurt or minimize you, but rather empowers and liberates you. It’s about learning how to establish boundaries so you can put a stop to the abuse, if it is still happening.

I’ve taken everyone else’s advice for years to no end. You can’t possibly know my mother!

My job isn’t to tell you what to do. My intention is simply to guide you in having your own back…in learning how to trust yourself implicitly when it comes to your relationship with your mother – or anyone else.

How is what you do different than therapy?

Therapy and coaching can co-exist beautifully together, but their approach and focus are different.

Most therapy is diagnostic and clinically treats people with psychological disorders or mental illness. Coaching can pick up where therapy ends and starts with the premise that the client is okay and full of potential. Coaches do not diagnose or treat mental illness.

The goal of therapy is to take people from a dysfunctional state to a healthy functioning state. Coaching helps highly functioning people get to the next level so that they can have a more meaningful and satisfying life.

Most therapy is focused on the past, using childhood to explain current problems. Coaching focuses on the present, the future, and the belief that you do not need to continue focusing on the past in order to feel better and move forward.

Therapy asks “Why?” As in, “Why do you think, feel, and behave the way that you do?” Coaching asks, “What’s next for you? How do you want to feel? What obstacles are standing in the way of you feeling that way?”

Speaking from my own experience: therapy helped me identify the “pathology” of my past (“Your anxiety might stem from having a narcissistic mother.”), which was helpful, but I continued to believe that my capacity for joy and my potential remained impacted by my mother. That it would be a “sad reality” for the rest of my life. My experience with coaching showed me that I could choose otherwise, but I had to be ready to hear this. Coaching helped me take responsibility for my future. When we have dreams/goals and are having a hard time fulfilling them, it’s often because we still have unconscious stories we’re telling ourselves about what is possible.

 

Make It Real is the answer. All you have to do is show up consistently (which doesn’t mean every day…it might mean once a week…or once a month on the coaching calls) and be willing to do the work.

The thing you didn’t think possible? Your difficult mother-daughter relationship transformed? It’s possible. And the best news of all is she doesn’t have to participate.

How do I know if Make It Real is for me?

Healing your relationship with your mother is not for everyone. Here is how to know if it’s a good fit:

You want a step-by-step process.

You want the relationship to be the catalyst for your growth in ways you can’t even imagine

You want a reliable plan for establishing healthy boundaries that will serve you not only in your relationship with her but in all parts of you life

You want to stop engaging in unhealthy, dysfunctional dynamics 

You want to get over the guilt and anxiety you feel when you think about her so you can focus on all the things you’ve been holding yourself back from

You want to work with the woman who wrote the book(s) on difficult mother-daughter relationships who has done the work herself

Are you worried you won’t be able to “keep up” or that you’ll “fall behind?”

This isn’t a class or course that you have to keep up with or you’ll miss out. It’s an ongoing practice with tools and concepts that you can learn and apply to all areas of your life. 

Make It Real is a community and all you have to do is show up when you need and want it.

The thing you didn’t think possible? Your difficult mother-daughter relationship transformed? It’s possible. And the best news of all is she doesn’t have to participate.

 Having a troubled relationship with your mother doesn’t have to keep you in a less-than position.
In fact, it can empower you to tap into your greatest, innate stores of wisdom, self-love, and confidence.
 

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