It’s not easy to reconcile and heal your relationship with your mother if it’s been a source of suffering. It’s an ongoing process that can include the cycling of intense emotion (fear, rage, grief) and the seeming lack of emotion (numbness). It can also include blame, shame, and resistance.
And here’s what’s been true for me: the healing didn’t come from telling myself that I should feel a certain way about her (although I tried that), or that I need to see her objectively (I’ve done that, too), or that I needed to forgive her (been there, done that), but rather from a deep, abiding, unconditional love and acceptance for my(whole)self, which includes all of my pieces, parts, and aspects, and all the ages I’ve ever been.
It comes from being willing to express what was true for me.
It comes from being willing to let go of what I thought healing should look like.
It comes from being willing to feel all the feelings.
It comes from not being afraid to feel uncomfortable in the future.
It comes from attending to and repairing my own trauma.
It comes from acknowledging when I’ve done harm.
It comes from knowing I can trust myself to take care of myself.
It comes from having exquisite boundaries.
It comes from remembering that I want to like and respect myself.
And for sure, I forget sometimes.
To be honest, it’s one of the reasons I write these Love Notes every week. In order to keep remembering.
“Your job isn’t to stop forgetting it’s to keep remembering.” ~ Christie Inge
Because you know what? It’s not about her, it’s about me. It’s about you.