What you think you need:
:: To figure out ways to interact with and cope with your difficult mother/daughter/sister/person.
:: To figure out what to do or say when they behave a certain way.
:: To figure out and fix the dysfunctional dynamics and patterns.
What if all you actually need is:
:: More self-knowledge…
:: so you trust and respect yourself…
:: so you can step out of and free yourself from conditioned, dysfunctional, co-dependent patterns and not just find better ways to operate within them.
When my clients ask, “How can I have healthy boundaries with her when she refuses to respect them?”
I ask, “How can you understand yourself better so that you can respect yourself and your boundaries?”
When my clients ask, “What do I say to her when she says hurtful things to me?”
I respond, “What do you need to remember about yourself?”
When my clients say, “She didn’t give me what I need.”
I ask, “What do you need now and are you willing to give it to yourself?”
I get it. You were taught that relationships are co-dependent and transactional and that the way to be safe and okay is to control, manage, and manipulate other people’s perceptions and behaviors.
You were taught that she needs you to see her the way she wants to be seen…
…and you quickly learned that you need her to see you the way you want to be seen.
What if you let her and yourself off the hook for this.
What if you put yourself in charge of seeing yourself the way you want, so you can feel good about who you are without her approval?
What if you lived from a place of self-approval?
What if you could just be yourself and she could just be herself? How would you show up then? Knowing your emotional well-being is no longer tied to her approval, her perception, her behavior?
Imagine the energy you’d have. The time that would be freed up. The mental and emotional freedom you’d experience. The frustration and exhaustion that would melt away. The bending and contorting and people-pleasing and permission-seeking you’d no longer feel compelled to do.
Ask me how I know. Click here to set up an appointment to explore working together.
Much, much love,
With special thanks to Sharon Pope for the inspiration.