You’ve come here to work on the relationship you have with your mother. To establish healthy, mature boundaries.
Inevitably, you will also work on the relationship you have with yourself.
And the relationships you have with others.
You will uncover painful thoughts like, “I’m a neglectful mother” and “I’m a terrible person” and “I’m unworthy” and “I’m not important.”
Thoughts you believe.
You’ll wonder, “Am I just like my mother?”
You’ll quickly push that thought away.
You will recognize that you are living with low-level chronic shame.
Despite all the emphatic declarations that you were going to do it differently.
No. You are NOT exactly like your mother. And no you are NOT parenting exactly like she did. Especially if she was abusive.
What you’ve taken on is her shame.
And this is where I ask you if you can love yourself BECAUSE [you believe] you’re neglectful and terrible and unworthy and not important and and and [insert all the painful thoughts you have about yourself].
Not “even though” or “in spite of.”
It’s THIS PIECE that your mother was most likely not able to reckon with…THIS is where the pattern gets interrupted…THIS is where you get to choose to do it differently.
Not in being different than or the opposite of your mother but in revealing those painful beliefs you have about yourself, reckoning with that shame, and ultimately healing it.
That’s what I support women in doing. Let’s talk.
Much, much love,