If your mother is mean or cruel to you (or others in your family), it’s unlikely she will stop.

 

It’s also unlikely that you will (100%) stop feeling hurt and/or angry in the moments when she’s mean or cruel, although you can reduce the amount of hurt and anger and you can process it faster.

 

Here’s what else is possible:

 

You can stop believing and internalizing what she says.

 

You can stop looking into the flawed mirror she holds up.

 

You can have healthy, impeccable boundaries.

 

You can handle yourself like the grown-ass woman you are.

 

You can be a fierce mama bear to the younger, hurt self that still resides within you.

 

You can decide to trust yourself…to know that you will handle it.

 

Not perfectly. Not precisely.

 

Humanly.

 

Much, much love,

 

Karen

P.S. One of the first things I do with clients in the 1:1 Mother Lode Mentorship is investigate their self concept: who they think they are and what they believe about themselves, in relation to their mothers. And then we talk about who they want to be and what they need to believe about themselves to get there.
We look at what they value, what traits they hold dear, how they want to feel, how they want to show up, etc.
And they get to practice being who they say they are and want to be.
And I cheer them on and hold space and believe with them.
And bit by bit, they start to inhabit that new self concept.
And it’s one of the most beautiful things to witness.
It’s also one of the most powerful things I’ve ever done, personally.
INEVITABLY (and I say this from very recent personal experience, which I will write about soon), there’s a point at which they feel tested. There’s a pull between their “old” selves and their “new” selves.
They have an opportunity to decide: Which self is going to make this decision? Which self is going to respond?
And every time they get this opportunity, the learn something. They shift something.
Not perfectly. Not precisely.
Humanly.
And ultimately they trust themselves, even when they find themselves in the middle of something deeply uncomfortable.
To love ourselves that much is precious.

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