What will they think?”
“I don’t want her to think ______.”
“I’m afraid of being criticized.”
Not every woman who has these fears has a difficult relationship with her mother, but women who DO seem to suffer from this particular issue far more than those who have a “normal” (whatever that means LOL) relationship with their mothers. And even then the supposed “normal” mothers still often pass this fear onto their daughters. Not on purpose. Not intentionally. This isn’t about blaming mothers…it’s the water we all swim in.
You know *logically* that it doesn’t make sense to fear what she or other people think, but your body doesn’t “do” logic.
This happens because your nervous system believes that if someone thinks poorly of you…
or what you do…
or how you do it…
you will die.
That’s why it feels so absolutely shitty. It’s why your heart pounds, your palms get sweaty, it’s hard to swallow, and your breathing gets shallow.
And so you do positive affirmations and look at the memes that say things like, “Jump and the net will appear!” and “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”
Insert massive eye roll here.
Here’s what I know: you can work WITH your body, not against it. You can expand your capacity to feel those shitty sensations and experience a bit more safety. Notice I am not saying “you’ll never feel fear again!” But you can change your relationship to it.
First you notice the sensations.
Then you make it a point not to judge them or yourself, but to simply be present with them, describe them, name them, and being willing to feel them.
Next you choose a safe way to move the energy (for example, you may feel like stomping your feet or swinging your arms). If your body feels like moving, let it move. Let it lead you.
And then finally, be curious and fascinated about what you experienced.
When you allow yourself to move through the process without judgment, you not only feel a bit better, you are able to mobilize your best and show yourself how resilient you actually are.
And when you do that? You won’t let what other people think (even your mother!) hold you back.
Learning to be with your fears is one of the main things I address with clients in my six-month Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship that takes successful, creative women (who probably have a rebellious streak) from hiding in the shadows to being able to transform the “I’m less than” legacies that were handed to them into a source of wisdom and creativity.
I also provide practical, actionable tools and strategies for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries (and we know that creative women need healthy boundaries, not just with their mothers, but with the rest of the world) and help you love and accept your WHOLE self so you be fully self-expressed.
Click here to send me a message if you’re interested in learning more and we’ll have a back and forth to see if you’re a good fit. If so, we can get you started right away!