Welcome to Shame School
with Karen C.L. Anderson
"When we have liberated ourselves we will have to ask who we are." ~ Ona in the film, Women Talking
Shame School is a three-month excursion into the heart of shame: what it is, where it comes from, the myths around it, how it impacts us, and how we can transform our relationship to it.
I created Shame School because I wanted to gather a group to do the work of destigmatizing shame in a way that feels nourishing, safe, and fun.
Why do I want to destigmatize shame? Because our fear of shame – the stigma we associate with shame – keeps us stuck in shame. Stuck in the status quo.
Shame’s false “truth”: "I am the problem...there's something wrong with me…I need to fix/improve/change me."
This is by design (physiologically and culturally) and it impacts us on the micro level, in our relationships, work, creativity, and health.
It also impacts us on the macro level, keeping women as a whole less-than, infantilized, dependent, and unable to to advocate for ourselves, each other, and our bodily autonomy.
The actual truth: "This isn’t a ‘me’ problem. The problem is how I was taught to think about myself and what’s possible for me…what I was socialized to believe about myself. THAT is the problem."
Shame is a "fixed mindset" epidemic not of our making and women are 80% more likely than men to believe "it's a me problem." It's like a finger trap: the more you struggle to get out of it, all the while blaming yourself for struggling, the more stuck in it you become.
Shame School is one way to get free.
There are three main skills we will work on within the Framework of the 6 Ns (Name, Notice, Normalize, Neutralize, Need, Next): creating safety, creating intentional identity, and creating healthy boundaries.
Creating safety: understanding and working with the physiology of our nervous systems and the role shame plays in being triggered
Creating intentional identity: giving our brains an alternative to the shame-based stories we have about ourselves
Creating healthy boundaries: knowing how to take care of ourselves when others project their shame onto us
Details:
Three months (12 weeks) starting September 10, 2024
Zoom calls on Tuesdays at 1 p.m. Eastern (recorded)
A pop-up Facebook (or some other online platform) group
Access to the online Shame School Library of worksheets, explainers, and other inspiration
Cost: $500 click here to sign up!
The group will be capped at 25 (if there’s more interest, I will create another group)
Email me at karen@kclanderson.com if you have any questions
P.S. What Shame School isn't: a program with modules, Powerpoint presentations, and bullet points. It's not clinical or pathologizing or prescriptive.
I offer it as someone who has been through the fire of shame, who has been worked over by shame, and has emerged, not on the other side without shame, but as someone who is no longer afraid or ashamed of shame.
Shame School is a call to deepen emotional maturity, wisdom, dignity, and integrity. Audacity. Expression. It's a rite of passage.
Shame School is for this precise moment in history because we need to gather and strengthen for what may come. We need to change the mood of this world because we have come to goddam far to be paralyzed and hopeless.
The Alpha Mare is calm, because her boundaries are impeccable. She knows who she is, and the other horses do not mess with her. They do not approach her without her invitation. The Alpha Mare does not let herself be influenced by another horse's fears or anxieties or aggression. She knows the right thing to do, and she does it. The other horses follow her lead. She doesn’t need approval or permission. She lives and breathes from a place of integrity and certainty, because of her strong and appropriate boundaries. As a result, she is relaxed and at peace. She has an undefended heart.
~ with thanks to Martha Beck and Elizabeth Gilbert ~