“List five things you’d like to change about yourself” the questionnaire prompted.
Me: Heavy sigh accompanied by an eye-roll.
I sat back and thought about all the things I’ve wanted to change over the years (and sometimes still do): my body, my personality, my organizational skills (or lack thereof), my mind, my emotions, my anxiety, the way I write, the way I show up, my laziness, my attention span, how fast I eat, how I dress, my hair, my awkwardness, my exuberance, the way I learn, my mood, my selfishness…to infinity and beyond.
I felt a heaviness, a slight dread borne from the thought that I had to set a goal to change five things about myself. Me, the woman who doesn’t set goals or make to-do lists (yes, really) and who still gets a lot of shit done (and how that happens is a story for another day).
Not wanting to leave it blank, I texted a friend and asked, “What have I been saying I want to change lately?”
She asked why I was asking, so I told her about the questionnaire. Her reply?
“You don’t want to change yourself, you want to become more of who you are.”
Oh yeah. She knows me well.
I needed to be reminded. To keep remembering.
So that’s what I wrote on the form: “I don’t want to change myself. I want to BE who I already am. And to amplify that.”
With clarity, vulnerability, rebellion, equanimity, grace, love, and wildness. With dignity, expression, and audacity. Essential. Alive. Myself. Ordinary.
So that’s my wish for you in 2020: to be more of who you are. To take up space. To speak your truth. To settle into YOU. To amplify who you already are.
Here are some prompts to guide you (don’t edit or censor yourself):
What does this conversation evoke for you?
What do you want to remember about yourself?
What do you want to amplify?
What are you proud of that doesn’t involve doing and accomplishing?
Who do you need to be to love your story forward? (thank you to Gail Weiss Gaspar for this question)
What would feel nourishing on your journey?
What do you want to experience?
What words would you use to describe how you want to feel? (Get granular with this one…)
A year from now, how do you want to answer the question, “What are you proud of?”
Much, much love,
Reveal patterns. Heal shame. Transform legacies.