I am here for this

How deep are you willing/wanting to go?

For so long I told myself “Karen, no one wants to go there…you’re too much, you’re too deep, you’re too sensitive, too intense...too too too.”

But here’s the thing.

That wasn’t my voice.

It was the voice of “no one has time for that.”

The voice of “no one values that.”

The voice of “people won't like you if you do that/say that.”

The voice of “people are afraid of that.”

It was the voice of “protection.”

But I know differently.

In case we haven't met, here are some things about me:

I am Scorpio. Gemini Rising and Taurus Moon. Water Tiger.

I am 6/2 Emotional Projector. I have been on the roof and I’ve jumped off.

I am Enneagram 4w5. The Individualist.

I am INFP.

I am also "don't put me in a box" LOL

I am here for your depths.

I am here for your shadows.

I am here to listen to the things you’re wanting to give voice to. The things other people tell you you're being unreasonable about. The things other people tell you not to get your hopes up about.

I can hold it.

Unlike your mother, I can hold it. I want to.

I am here for your relief.

Because I live for the rebel. The subversive. The fearful. The "what if I am really and truly a pathetic loser?" and the "what if I am truly evil to my core?" and the "If they knew this about me they wouldn't like me."

The part of you that just doesn't know if she can contain it any more and doesn't want to.

Because I am both humbled with gratitude and I am an ungrateful bitch.

I am a little bit "fuck around and find out" and "if you look at me that way I will cry."

I am tender.

I will cry with you.

I am an imp. I make mischief. I will LAUGH with you.

I am full of surprises. And questions (I can't tell you how many times I've asked someone a question and they respond and say, "no one has ever asked me that" followed by "I've never told anyone that.")

I am burn it down and rebuild it according to my specifications.

I am “yes your mother is cruel/needy/abusive/wounded and you can assert yourself in this relationship and not feel guilty doing it.”

This is my favorite self.

I want to know yours.

Photo: Outside an L.A. restaurant, 2018-ish